Resistance and Indifference

As the reality that the beginning of school is fast-approaching, I would like to take a moment to address something that has been bothering me ever since I began the process of applying to school. One would think that since I have had a career as a professional dancer that I would have grown accustomed to peoples' indifference regarding how I choose to make a living. I have spent the last 7 years and really my whole young adult/adult life defending my decision to dance and pursue a career as a dancer. Let me tell you, it has been exhausting. There are some that find it exciting and tend to over-glorify the situation when I say I am a dancer. Then there are those that think I'm a Rockette or that I perform on Broadway, or my personal favorite: a stripper. Of course, there are many people that understand what it means to maintain a career as a modern dancer - especially in a city like New York - who respect my decision and even (gasp) think it's a worthwhile or meaningful career. Now that I'm transitioning into a career as a social worker, you can only imagine the responses I've been getting. Most people look at me as though I have eight heads and I'm speaking a foreign language that they don't understand. Social work? Why would anyone want to be a social worker? My daughter-in-law worked as a social worker and she hated it! So-and-so worked as a social worker and it's really exhausting work. Oh, that's so difficult. Oh, social work, that's nice. So, after spending most of my life defending how I make a living, here I am entering a new realm that makes being a professional dancer seem a bit more par for the course.

Lately, when people have been asking me what do you do? I find myself wanting to run in the other direction. How I wish that I could provide a simple answer that people would accept and that I didn't have to feel their judgement lingering in the air between us. I'm beginning to think of it as my Mary Poppins moment: snap your fingers and things magically appear before your eyes, practically perfect in every way. Maybe I should just start making up answers or maybe I won't respond at all and instead I'll counter their question with a question of my own. What if we were to ask each other instead: what do you enjoy?  OR what makes you YOU? Why is it that when we meet people, the first question asked is always so, what do you do? As if we are defined by our careers. But, I would argue that as people, we are so much more than that. I realize that many people take great pride in their careers and invest a lifetime of energy in developing their career, but if at the end of the day, our existence is based upon what we do at work, then where does that leave us as people? I am frightened by this mentality. Whatever happened to maintaining a separation between our work and our personal lives? I humbly acknowledge that this is a complicated discussion and by no means, do I pretend to be a voice of authority.

At the very least, if you ask the question what do you do? be prepared for the answer and for once, don't assume anything more or less than the answer you are given. After all, we are all just people trying to do what we can to survive and for some this thing called living is easier than for others. In the meantime, I am proud of all that I have done in my life to this point and I'm thankful that I possess the courage to venture out into the unknown in pursuit of something new. Maybe my response next time will be: I intend to love living as much as I can and how I choose to do that is not up for your evaluation.

Possibility and Foresight

HALLELUJAH!!

Two years ago, President Obama set forth legislation that would enable millions of Americans to have access to insurance; making it a right and not a burden. Yesterday, by the grace of some miraculous higher power (or by the steady hand of Justice Roberts), we are closer to closing the looming gap of inequality. The decision of the Supreme Court to largely uphold the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (CAN WE PLEASE STOP CALLING IT OBAMACARE?!), has left me with a newfound feeling of excitement, rejuvenation, and the impression of possibility. Dare I say that for the first time in my life, I actually felt an emotional sensation of patriotism? I had to restrain myself at work while internally, my body was having a fanatic dance party! There are many things that I am passionate about in this world, but I think that Healthcare policy and reform are surely at the top of that list. The only time I won a "political" debate with Dana's grandfather, Aldor, was over the topic of healthcare policy (wining a political debate with Aldor was a relentlessly implausible task). While I know that we are far from the answers and there are endless amounts of work to be done, at least we are moving in the right direction and are finally allowing this legislation to take precedence, regardless of its imperfections.

As someone who did not possess health insurance from 2005-2010, I feel that I can empathize at least on some level with those that feel that they are a victim of the system or feel left behind. I sought care at various urgent cares and clinics for low-income individuals and witnessed first hand the desperation of single mothers and fathers trying care for their sick children, as they wondered how they would pay the bill. You may be asking your self: "but you are young and healthy, why would you even need insurance?" My response? What about the time that I had a severe ear infection and by the time I made it to the doctor I was told that I could have ruptured my ear drum? Or the time that I fell when getting out of the shower and my leg was so discolored and swollen I looked as though someone had beaten me with a baseball bat? I could keep going with my many stories, but the point is that I know what it means to be without insurance and frankly, can relate to peoples' distrust in medical establishments and/or treatment. But this is of the past and I am now fortunate to be covered under Dana's insurance through a domestic partner clause...

In moving forward, the only way for this legislation to TRULY work, is to educate, educate, educate. The only way for people to fully understand the benefits and resources available to them is to teach them and to help spread the word. In the meantime, I would ask that - regardless of your stance or position on this issue - we try to collectively move forward and recogonize the effects that the Patient Protection and Affordable Care act will have on millions of citizens. If you don't understand the policy, read about it or share it with someone else without letting your judgement and ignorance stand in the way of knowledge. There are so many people in need of care and maybe, just maybe, they will now have the opportunity to seek that care.


[Stay tuned for news about a project that I'm the process of developing: Random Good NYC...]

Bullying vs. the goodness of humanity...

I believe in the goodness of people and I do not say this lightly. By this, I mean that I believe in the preservation of opportunity, peace of mind, and the potential for the common good to be a weapon against the enemies; corruption, oppression, and human suffering. And yet, it is amazing to me how quickly this good can become ugly and remind us of the ugliness that can exist in the world. That ugliness can trigger a deep reaction in us, one that embodies pure emotion. Let me unpack that...

This past Sunday, our dog Nola, was attacked by another dog for the second time since she's been in our possession. She had surgery and was left with a nasty wound, but is recovering well. (Our heartfelt thanks to those of you who have shared your love and healing energy). On Tuesday evening, while out for our evening walk with Nola, we ran into and confronted the owner of the dog. She promised that her 'husband' would call Dana to discuss the matter. Last evening, Dana received a phone call from the man -- her ex-husband -- asking Dana to meet him in person. Dana met him and the man proceeded to threaten him and also threatened to kill our dog.

And so here we are, fraught with this adrenaline rush of anger, knowing that we are trying to do the right thing and find a resolution. There are many things that strike me about this situation, a few of them being:

- I immediately felt the need to post the event on Facebook, as though by doing so, I could announce our injustice to the world.

- Peoples' insecurities manifest in ways that are very difficult to understand. In this particular instance, the other dog owners know that we are in the right and know that they owe us money, but have relented to using hostility, threats, and bullying to 'win the battle.'

- Emotion is such a tricky thing -- it forces us into patterns of behaviour that are otherwise foreign to us and this can be scary. Several of my friends quickly commented on my FB status saying words like 'asshole' and 'crazy.' I admit, that I initially reacted in this way too. BUT, after allowing that initial range of emotion flow through me, I realized that I felt sorry for the man. I wanted to help him understand his behaviour and to figure out what made him this way.

I was watching the news this evening (PBS NewsHour -- of course), and suddenly, it gave me a heightened perspective. We occupy such a small part of the world, as individuals that collectively establishes this enormous crazy-wonderful-beautiful-heartbreaking-unpredictable planet. I would urge each and every one of us to acknowledge the emotions that flow through us and to understand them for what they are and to then release them...For there is so much more to worry about and to focus our energy on. Our work towards the betterment of ourselves and humanity is never done. So why not start where we are...

[Clearly, I could never be on twitter. I have problems with being concise.]

The start of something

I have been thinking of beginning a blog for some time now. Normally, I dislike blogs and I've never quite understood the point of having a space where one professes the inner margins of his/herself. I find it excessive. Lately, however, I have been dreaming of a space where I can offer up my words and perhaps someone will locate me there inside them. In college, I experienced a subtle shift where I became introverted and quiet. A very dear friend once told me: "whenever you feel like taking up all the space (there's infinite amounts), becoming big and filling it with your grace or whatever else you feel like, I hope you do." Over the past two years, I have felt myself grow and expand in ways I never would have thought possible and now I choose to be LOUD.

I have been dancing since I was 3 1/2 and for what feels like an eternity. Much of my existence and identity as a person has been tied to dance. I will always be a dancer and I truly believe this. I have had ambitions of returning to school for some time, but could never decide on the appropriate next step. I have considered careers in teaching, arts administration, non profit management, and art therapy, but continue to return to one: social work. It is with a profound sense of urgency that I seek to put my vision and ideals into practice in order to create a new kind of choreography; one that isn't about art or steps or movement, but people. In September, I will being work on my Masters of Social Work at New York University. How I got to this point is a very long story and I feel that I am only beginning to access the words that make-mold-shape-tell it.

This fall will encompass many things: endings, beginnings, expansion, realizations, endurance, determination, questions that may or may not have answers, and a fear of the unknown. Simply put: it is also a continuation, for we are always in the process of becoming...

I am terrified of this next step and yet I fully embrace the numerous possibilities and potential outcomes. Even if I fail, I will know that at least I have tried. I do not for a moment pretend that I could have gotten this far without the unwavering support and friendship of many individuals - thank you. And mama, thank you for all that you are, all that you have given me, and for allowing me to explore-dream-discover...always.

In the meantime, I can feel my spirit wanting to soar.