Last Thursday, marked my final day with MAPP International Productions, where I have worked for just shy of three years. Monday, was my last night of teaching with Literacy Partners, where for the past 6 months I have taught a basic literacy class composed of adult learners. In a world that is constantly bombarding us with information and work to be done, I now find myself in a time of pause. I am not a person who "stops" or slows down easily. I thrive off of activity and challenges that need to be met. And yet, I have never felt so strongly about my decision to take a break and to find some inner quiet before school starts. As I prepare for a major life transition, I am faced with the need to gather my strengths and resources in a restful and reflective manner.
Slowing down and/or coming to a stop can be a real rattle to the system. Our society is one that does not appreciate taking the time to reflect or to honor ourselves, our achievements, or our work. I don't mean to be in praise of narcissism, but a healthy understanding or acknowledgement of what it means to be present with one's self can be remarkably powerful. It can also arouse fear and insecurity and I believe that these aspects of slowing down are tangible and useful to us if we are able to listen.
At first, as various aspects of my "working self" came to a close, I felt empty and depleted. This emptiness was quickly replaced with exhaustion. And now, I feel a sense of liberation, slowly sneaking to the surface. I can be fully present with myself and only I can decide how I will spend my days over the next three weeks.
I realize that my "time off" may seem like a real luxury, but I would argue that it was a clear and deliberate choice. Financially, I cannot afford to take this month off before beginning school, but for me, it was a risk I was willing to take. My priority is to rest, rejuvenate, and reflect before the anxieties and pressures of school are in full throttle.
I plan to cook (last night I made a mixed-green salad w/ roasted beets, avocado, candied walnuts, goat cheese, and a yogurt-citrus dressing), dance, run, write, read, meditate, practice yoga, see as many friends as possible, swim in the ocean, and to enjoy the heaviness of the summer air before the light begins to change and the soft whispers of autumn begin to unfurl. Most importantly, I will try to remember to be thankful for the present. Who knows, maybe I won't have a plan at all...
And I am reminded of this:
